DAILY SPRINGS: Best Ways To Reject A Relationship Proposal Without Controversy

By Emmy Chi Bandoh

Some days ago beside a filling station were i came to get fuel, i saw a young lady, she was tall and beautiful, she walked stylishly, while holding her Bible in her hand. With all good intentions i ran towards her shouting "Hello! Hello!!" But she ignored me, determined to get to her I walked faster and finally tapped her on the shoulder mildly, to my greatest surprise, she went ballistic on me screaming, " leave me alone, i don't need you, i don't need a boyfriend, Jesus is my boyfriend," she said at the top of her voice. Almost everyone at the filling station starred at me and it was like the ground should open so I can just bury myself inside. It was so embarrassing because i had no intention of asking her out, especially since i came to get the fuel with my girlfriend who was waiting for me.

Anyways, I summoned the courage to tell her what made me come running after her, "I am not here to ask you to be my girlfriend, I only came to tell you about the cobweb attached to your hair," I said sharply and turned to leave. She checked it with her hands, feeling embarrassed about what she had done, she apologised to me, telling me about how two guys had already made advances at her that evening and how fed up she was with trying to get rid of them. I walked away thinking she could have treated me better.

Some days later I saw her again, she recognized me and apologized again, told me her name was Loveth and she asked for my hands of friendship but I generously turned it down because I still could not shake off the previous embarrassment.

Personally i feel there are better ways to turn down relationship proposals without hurting the feeling of the person be it a lady or a guy. I have heard of some scenarios where the situations escalate because of a lack of proper management of the situation. I remember telling a friend of mine who is more of a rascal about my experience and he asked me why i did not slap the girl. Imagine in a situation where it was him and not me, we would probably still be trying to separate the fight.

So here are a few tips on how best to reject a proposal without creating much of a distaste. Note that you cannot totally avoid hurting people by turning them down, but you can avoid creating a scene if you do it right.

Step 1: Honesty remains the best route to follow. Letting an admirer live in some fantasy that there may be a happy ending with you (when they clearly do not have a chance) will hurt tremendously. Be plain and simple, and avoid ambiguity. If you are sure it is what you want say it and be firm.

Being honest doesn't necessarily mean that you should say, "I don't like you," or, "I can't imagine being with you," sort of thing. Simply state that you value his or her friendship and acknowledge their feelings for you, but you want to keep the things between you neutral. Be direct and honest without being cruel.

Step 2: Avoid excuses that might lead them on. Often times you hear people saying “Now is not a good time for me,” and “I’m interested in someone else”, why these might seem like a great way to let someone down gently, but in reality these excuses can just lead your pursuer to believe that when circumstances change he may still have a chance.

Make it clear that you are not interested in the same way that they are interested in you without any equivocation. Some would say, “I’m just not looking to date right now,” “Maybe it could happen in the future,” but in truth, you just aren’t into the person. What happens when that guy or girl sees you with a new man or lady, walking around on campus or on the street? Your pursuer may feel lied to.

This does not mean you have to say something as harsh as, “I will never, ever, ever like you.” Simply use your head.

Step 3: Do not gossip about your pursuer to your friends. It is bad enough already that you rejected the person, things would become really awkward when they discover that your friends also know that you did. A player (or Flirt) naturally may not mind but someone who has true feelings will be very hurt. Avoid anything that will make things more awkward than it already is.

Step 4: Be in a relationship. This is one of the simplest ways to gain freedom from your pursuer, tell them you are in a relationship. Most people would free you, although not all. Make it clear that you will never cheat on your partner. Ask the person how he or she will feel if you were with him or her and dating another person, you would know if they are sincere with their answers. Nobody likes a serious relationship with a cheat, except it's just a fling or you are not sure of your relationship.

Step 5: Put them in sibling-zone (friendzone). This step is most used when you are friends with the person already for long or someone you are close to. This step is almost the same as friend-zone, but it can be effective in pulling them back to your life, or bring much more pain. You have to play your cards right on this one. Explain that you love them, although not as a lover might, but as kin (Sibling). Now if they value your friendship, they will be very happy to know this. Otherwise, if the person never wants to be only a regular friend or acquaintance, you better follow the first step as well. Give him the time and space he needs to think. Being friend-zoned is hard, mind you.

Finally, You have the permission to say no. Just be smart about it. Be compassionate yet clear. Leave no room for ambiguity. It’s the most caring way you can reject someone. When everything is said and done, there is almost no way for you not to damage your friendship right after you rejected him or her; there are only less hurting methods, like what is stated above. If you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend, tell them that. If the person doesn't concede, then he/she is not that good a friend in the first place. Truly, putting someone in the friend-zone in the hopes of not hurting that person is nearly impossible, unless you are dealing with an incredibly emotionless, robot-like, or at least extremely resilient person. I hope this helps.

DAILY SPRINGS: Forty Years After Entebbe: A New Humanity Calls:

Forty years after Entebbe: A new humanity calls.
                          By Owei Lakemfa:
Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu is in Africa this week soaking in accolades on the fortieth commemoration of the Entebbe Raid.  The  Entebbe story is the stuff of legends. It was presumably, a humanitarian mission to rescue hostages, save innocent lives and give a bloody nose to  the air piracy version of international terrorism.
The planning of the raid, was clearly the work of master minds. So it is not surprising that it gave birth to films and documentaries like Operation Thunder: The  Entebbe Raid, Raid on Entebbe and Delta Force. This is the famous perspective of Israel and its supporters.
However, there is also, the angle of the Palestinians in whose name, and for who’s cause the hijacking took place. While Netanyahu is in Africa serenading leaders from Uganda, Kenya, South Sudan, Ethiopia, Zambia, Rwanda and Tanzania about the Entebbe raid and the heroism of his  elder brother, Lieutenant Colonel Yonatan Netanyahu who was killed in the raid, he seems oblivious of the fact that the reasons that led to the hijacking have not been addressed. That the Palestinian struggles have developed beyond hijacking to Intifada and wars that carry the battle right into Israel rather than some faraway places.
The Entebbe story began on June 27, 1976 when an Air France airline with 248 souls, flying from Tel Aviv to Paris,  was hijacked by two members of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, and two Germans from the Revolutionary Cell. They diverted the aircraft to Entebbe, the main Ugandan airport and demanded the release of  forty Palestinians held in Israeli jails and thirteen  prisoners held in four other countries.
At Entebbe,  Israelis and jews were separated  from other passengers. Eventually, 148 of the non-Israeli hostages were released, leaving 94 Israelis and the 12-member Air France crew. There were political negotiations to end the hostage crisis, two of them initiated by then Egyptian President Anwar Sadat  and Palestinian Liberation Organisation (PLO) Chair, Yasser Arafat.
As the crisis wore on, the Israeli government decided to execute a rescue option. It got a replica of the airport from the Israeli construction firm, Solel Boneh which had built it. Gathered intelligence, using as base, neigbouring Kenya  whose then President, Jomo Kenyatta  also offered logistical support including the use of Nairobi Airport. It got firsthand information about the hijackers and the weapons they were using from the freed hostages. It then flew  100 commandos over 4,000 kilometres to Entebbe in what was code named Operation Thunderbolt.
During the raid, 102 hostages were freed and flown out, three hostages were killed in cross fire, 45 Ugandan soldiers and Colonel Netanyahu were also killed. Seventy five-year old Dora Bloch who was away in a hospital during the raid, was later killed by the Ugandans.  A revelation was that the hijackers, even when the raid was on, did not attempt to hurt the hostages. In fact, when the Israeli commandos were engaged in a shootout with Ugandan soldiers as they advanced  towards  the terminal building where the hostages were, one of the hijackers, Wilfried Bose, gun in hand,   ran into the hall the hostages were kept  and directed them to take shelter in the rest room to be out of harm’s way, before engaging the commandos. The other hijackers were in the main hall, and did not appear to have been interested in entering the hall the hostages were kept.
At the United Nations where the raid was discussed, then  Secretary General, Kurt Waldheim described the raid as a serious violation of the sovereignty of a member nation although he said he understood the circumstances.  The Ugandans, whose air fleet was destroyed by the departing Israeli commandos, claimed that there was no need for the raid as a peaceful resolution was in sight. But   the Israelis argued that  only a military solution saved the hostages. At the end of the debates, the UN neither condemned nor praised the raid; both sides had lots of supporters.
It is forty years since those memorable events, but tragically, the reason and circumstances that gave rise to the hijacking; the Palestinian Question, remains virtually unaddressed. Today, as was forty years ago, Palestinian lands remain  occupied by Israel; perhaps the main difference is that illegal Israeli settlements are now being built on them. As it was four decades ago, peace eludes both nations, Palestinian refugees are denied  return to their ancestral homes, many Palestinians are held captive in Israeli jails, the Israeli blockage remains, East  Jerusalem, which is indigenous to Palestinians, remain incorporated as part of  greater Israel, and the Palestinians are still denied their homeland. On the other hand, the Israelis have known no peace  for seven decades, and continue to live as a people with a  siege mentality.
As Netanyahu said, Entebbe raid was heroic, but for me, it was not heroic for those who were killed or who have needlessly  lost their lives in the years since Entebbe. Since Entebbe, the Israeli pariah status around the world, especially in Africa, Asia and the Middle East has changed. Changed so much that it could this week, sign a joint declaration with seven African states on the war against terrorism.
While this is quite positive, it is time Israel listens to wise counsel especially by its main ally, the United States, that it toes the path of peace by allowing a two-state solution; a secure Israeli state, and a free Palestinian  homeland.  After about seventy years of conflicts and forty years after Entebbe, humanity should rest  the divisive politics in the Middle East. Also, all those in jail over the Palestinian struggle whether in Israel or outside it, should be freed. For instance, France should pardon the 67-year old  Venezuelan internationalist, Illich Ramirez Sanchez alias Carlos the Jackal who has been in its jails for 22 years now. His two life sentences are linked to his struggles for the Palestinian cause. We cannot walk towards peace only as conquerors; humanity must be joint winners.

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