Friday, 5 August 2016

DAILY SPRINGS: Best Ways To Reject A Relationship Proposal Without Controversy

By Emmy Chi Bandoh

Some days ago beside a filling station were i came to get fuel, i saw a young lady, she was tall and beautiful, she walked stylishly, while holding her Bible in her hand. With all good intentions i ran towards her shouting "Hello! Hello!!" But she ignored me, determined to get to her I walked faster and finally tapped her on the shoulder mildly, to my greatest surprise, she went ballistic on me screaming, " leave me alone, i don't need you, i don't need a boyfriend, Jesus is my boyfriend," she said at the top of her voice. Almost everyone at the filling station starred at me and it was like the ground should open so I can just bury myself inside. It was so embarrassing because i had no intention of asking her out, especially since i came to get the fuel with my girlfriend who was waiting for me.

Anyways, I summoned the courage to tell her what made me come running after her, "I am not here to ask you to be my girlfriend, I only came to tell you about the cobweb attached to your hair," I said sharply and turned to leave. She checked it with her hands, feeling embarrassed about what she had done, she apologised to me, telling me about how two guys had already made advances at her that evening and how fed up she was with trying to get rid of them. I walked away thinking she could have treated me better.

Some days later I saw her again, she recognized me and apologized again, told me her name was Loveth and she asked for my hands of friendship but I generously turned it down because I still could not shake off the previous embarrassment.

Personally i feel there are better ways to turn down relationship proposals without hurting the feeling of the person be it a lady or a guy. I have heard of some scenarios where the situations escalate because of a lack of proper management of the situation. I remember telling a friend of mine who is more of a rascal about my experience and he asked me why i did not slap the girl. Imagine in a situation where it was him and not me, we would probably still be trying to separate the fight.

So here are a few tips on how best to reject a proposal without creating much of a distaste. Note that you cannot totally avoid hurting people by turning them down, but you can avoid creating a scene if you do it right.

Step 1: Honesty remains the best route to follow. Letting an admirer live in some fantasy that there may be a happy ending with you (when they clearly do not have a chance) will hurt tremendously. Be plain and simple, and avoid ambiguity. If you are sure it is what you want say it and be firm.

Being honest doesn't necessarily mean that you should say, "I don't like you," or, "I can't imagine being with you," sort of thing. Simply state that you value his or her friendship and acknowledge their feelings for you, but you want to keep the things between you neutral. Be direct and honest without being cruel.

Step 2: Avoid excuses that might lead them on. Often times you hear people saying “Now is not a good time for me,” and “I’m interested in someone else”, why these might seem like a great way to let someone down gently, but in reality these excuses can just lead your pursuer to believe that when circumstances change he may still have a chance.

Make it clear that you are not interested in the same way that they are interested in you without any equivocation. Some would say, “I’m just not looking to date right now,” “Maybe it could happen in the future,” but in truth, you just aren’t into the person. What happens when that guy or girl sees you with a new man or lady, walking around on campus or on the street? Your pursuer may feel lied to.

This does not mean you have to say something as harsh as, “I will never, ever, ever like you.” Simply use your head.

Step 3: Do not gossip about your pursuer to your friends. It is bad enough already that you rejected the person, things would become really awkward when they discover that your friends also know that you did. A player (or Flirt) naturally may not mind but someone who has true feelings will be very hurt. Avoid anything that will make things more awkward than it already is.

Step 4: Be in a relationship. This is one of the simplest ways to gain freedom from your pursuer, tell them you are in a relationship. Most people would free you, although not all. Make it clear that you will never cheat on your partner. Ask the person how he or she will feel if you were with him or her and dating another person, you would know if they are sincere with their answers. Nobody likes a serious relationship with a cheat, except it's just a fling or you are not sure of your relationship.

Step 5: Put them in sibling-zone (friendzone). This step is most used when you are friends with the person already for long or someone you are close to. This step is almost the same as friend-zone, but it can be effective in pulling them back to your life, or bring much more pain. You have to play your cards right on this one. Explain that you love them, although not as a lover might, but as kin (Sibling). Now if they value your friendship, they will be very happy to know this. Otherwise, if the person never wants to be only a regular friend or acquaintance, you better follow the first step as well. Give him the time and space he needs to think. Being friend-zoned is hard, mind you.

Finally, You have the permission to say no. Just be smart about it. Be compassionate yet clear. Leave no room for ambiguity. It’s the most caring way you can reject someone. When everything is said and done, there is almost no way for you not to damage your friendship right after you rejected him or her; there are only less hurting methods, like what is stated above. If you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend, tell them that. If the person doesn't concede, then he/she is not that good a friend in the first place. Truly, putting someone in the friend-zone in the hopes of not hurting that person is nearly impossible, unless you are dealing with an incredibly emotionless, robot-like, or at least extremely resilient person. I hope this helps.

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